catapult magazine

Top Ten re: dogs

by Margie Haack

Top Ten Dogs I’ve Known

1. Bing: Rat terrier with brown eye-patch — my best friend who killed rats. I loved him almost as much as my mother. Killed from being kicked to death by a horse after I said, “Sic ’em.”
2. Merry: A sweet Dalmatian who chased cars until a driver swerved to teach her a lesson. He got her. She made a popping sound as the tires hit her. We carried her back to the porch and watched her die.
3. Corky: A Dalmatian black Lab mix. Cranky and mean. Chased females. Cars also. Bit my little brother in the back yard when he was eating a chicken leg. Dad shot him with a .22 rifle. We cried to see it.
4. Duffy: Homeless town dog. Purebred collie. Beneath running sores, mange, and a ragged ruff, we found a handsome shepherd. He gently herded everything from chickens to children until the day he died of old age.
5. Jingles: Dalmatian who ate frogs and frequently tolerated animal shows where he appeared cross-dressed in my little sister?s tutus.
6. Misty: Yorkshire terrier who slept in my husband?s shoe. Cute, but habitually rushed from the closet and down the hall to bite visiting children. Was returned to the pound.
7. Trevor: Another Dalmatian. A gift from a breeder. Perfect conformation, champion bloodlines, friendly, clever escape artist loved by all. Especially the alert neighbor who threw bricks at him for defecating on the front lawn and scraping his hind feet which launched divots of sod at the picture window. Trevor went to a more playful person than I?a monk who lived at a monastery in the desert.
8. Jamaica: A miniature apricot poodle who was a much better person than I. Smarter, too. He could answer the doorbell, the telephone, and clean the kitchen floor. He never resented us for hiding his chew. Always listened. Always forgave. The vet euthanized him for untreatable allergies?he licked himself to death.
9. Brisco: My aunt’s lap dog. Outstanding barker. Timid, but very loud. Can’t seem to remember who I am. He barks at me each time I enter the room. He barks when the furnace turns on.
10. Buddy: A miniature poodle with conformation of a dachshund. Mentally ill or slow. Don’t know which. Could not be left alone anywhere, anytime. Went berserk, yelping, defecating, defecating, up and down his kennel. He and everything he touched required an autoclave every time we came home. It’s a terrible thing to hate the animal your son loves. Buddy escaped one day, ran into the street, and was hit by a car. We buried him in the garden. I did not smile or thank God.