catapult magazine

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discussion

Spiritual Leader

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JabirdV
Jan 07 2003
08:28 am

How is a man to undergo the task of becoming the spiritual head of the household? What are his duties and how does he go about accomplishing these things without “going through the motions”?

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BBC
Jan 07 2003
04:01 pm

Beats me. My wife and I do it together. It is easier that way.

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grant
Jan 07 2003
06:52 pm

I don’t know the answer to that one either. My wife tends to take on the “head of the household” duties, so maybe you can ask her. But, then again, we don’t really have a household yet—just a studio apartment with dirty dishes in the sink and un-laundered clothes on the floor.

“Spiritually” speaking, though, isn’t Christ supposed to be the head of the household?

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triciadk
Jan 08 2003
05:25 am

um, just to reaffirm that no one seems to know an answer to this question, i had just asked some friends of mine the other day the very same question…my mom had commented while I was home for christmas that my father had never been the spritiual leader of the house…from day one. After pondering this for a while, it seemed to me that her perception of a spiritual leader had more to do with initiating devotions at breakfast and dinner or using “spiritual talk” in our everyday lives (aka “let go and let God”) than leading by a Godly example through actions.

My father has never been one for many words, but I truly believe, through his everyday actions, that he is more of a spiritual leader than my mom gives him credit for. He respects his children (for the most part, except when we’re acting stupid), he gives my mom a kiss goodbye and hello everyday when he leaves for work and comes home (for the last 34 years!), he has been a devoted christian high school teacher for over 35 years, he is humble when parents get angry with him when it is their children (and quite possibly their parenting!) that are at fault.

To me, those are things that speak louder than a good devotion at dinner time.

Just some thoughts…

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JabirdV
Jan 08 2003
06:00 am

It would seem that common christianese expectations in this area are that the Father/Husband, being the spiritual head of the household, is supposed to engage in all of these “acts”(i.e. devotions, prayertime, Bible study, etc.). I grew up in a family that practiced some of these expectations, but found that most of the time they felt forced and were just done because it was the “right” thing to do. My wife also grew up in a Christian home where all of the spiritual tasks that the father/husband is expected to accomplish actually were. In both of our lives now, as we look back we wonder at how much of our current spiritual states were actually influenced by these deeds, and how much was actually influences by (as triciadk put it) the everyday acts of our fathers. I admire many attributes in both my father and my father-in-law; such as how they would do anything to ensure the spiritual and emotional stability of the family, how they prized their wives in front of the children as well as the community, how they involved themselves in the communities, where they served as pastors, attempting to enrich the lives of those around them, how they placed others before themselves and always cared for those around them, how they reflected Christ’s love in the ordinary things, etc. These things influenced me far more than the forced devotions or group prayer did. Now as I am a man/husband/father, I wrestle with what will be best for my family. What will ensure the spiritual excellence in my children and wife.

I look back at both of my fathers lives, and wonder if some things worked at all, and very much note the things that did. I want to hold tight to the actions that actually provoked my spiritual growth, and yet I find myself questioning how far I am “allowed” to trim off of the deeds that didn’t.

I guess as a husband/father I am seeking my own personal excellence in these categories for the betterment of my family, but want to keep it less forced and more real. I long to be a loving husband and a Godly father, and am searching for the right path…which, I am aware of, isn’t always the road most traveled…

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triciadk
Jan 09 2003
05:18 am

Just for the record, I do think the wife/mother has just as much responsibility as the husband/father to be a spiritual leader in the family in all the ways that have been mentioned. This could turn into a debate about “headship” (urgh, that word makes me uncomfortable), which is not my intention and I am not prepared to get into. Besides, as Grant stated, Christ should ultimately be the “head” of the household…

That’s all. Just wanted to clarify in case there were any females feeling aggravated at the lack of mention of what our role should be…

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JabirdV
Jan 09 2003
08:54 am

What does the Bible say about this all? I seem to have grown up with the knowledge that the man is, according to God, the spiritual head of the household. But now I can’t seem to remember where that verse is. Can anyone find it? Is this just an old traditional idea, or is there Biblical basis for it?

Actually written by JoybirdV.

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BBC
Jan 10 2003
12:35 am

Good question. I think a lot of the alleged basis for the man as spiritual leader thing comes from the notion that Eve was Adam’s helper (which somehow is supposed to imply subservience), and the verse about wives being subject to their husbands (though in that case, the verse that follows seems to negate the patriarchal nature of it).

I have heard of people speak of having areas of headship in a marriage (Joe’s area of headship is the garage. Mary’s area of headship is the kitchen or whatever). I’ve only been married for fifteen years, so one could argue I don’t know what i am talking about yet, but it has always seemed to me that thinking of one’s marriage as a power struggle, or a case of authority needing to be divided up is not very helpful. The Bible tells us to love our spouses as Christ loved the church. Jesus, though the people wanted him to be a forceful political leader, gave us example after example of how to be a servant. If my wife and I both try to serve Christ and each other, the household tends to run more smoothly.

And I’m with Grant, Jesus should be the spiritual leader in a household. The rest of us should be followers.

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kristinmarie
Jan 10 2003
03:51 am

Interestingly, the original word used to describe Eve as “helper” is the same word the Old Testament uses to describe God.

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BBC
Jan 10 2003
03:07 pm

I like that. Not that I think that it means that Eve was better than Adam, but rather that they were companions, in a similar way to how God and Adam walked together. I can’t imagine why God would want to give Adam an inferior helper.

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JasonBuursma
Jan 10 2003
03:28 pm

Here’s some scripture JoyBird:
Eph 5:22-33. Gen 3:16

I won’t attempt to exposit them or give the historical context at the time of Paul’s epistle. I also won’t talk about how men have misused scripture throughout history to oppress women.

I will share a thought, though. My pastor refers to the “head” of the house as the spiritual gatekeeper. In other words we should be proactive in our spiritual leadership.

The original sin saw Adam passively standing by why Satan was talking to and lying to his wife. That’s the picture of men in the world: standing passively by and letting the woman handle things. A proper reaction from Adam would be what Jesus did: “Get behind me, Satan!”

As to how that applies, again, I don’t have all the answers.