I just discovered your discussion today and the topic is something that I’ve been thinking alot about since I have been engaged for several months. My finace and I have tried to be prayerful about this and obedient to what God has communicated through the scriptures, but we haven’t landed on any easy answers. I write to share my thinking and my questions.
By the grace of God, divorce is not an option in either of our thinking, but it’s hard to ignore in a culture when it is so prevelant. I think that it was C.S. Lewis who said that divorce is like getting your legs cut off, and I think that part of the reason is that the committment that was made with vows, bodies and the intertwining of lives is now broken. One flesh is torn, and it’s a big deal.
So… since we all know that committments are sometimes broken, committment of lives, bodies and vows seems to exist in increasing intensity with increasingly harsh consequences. This is why I think that God puts guard dogs around our sexuality, becuase it’s just so hard on us to have “body intimacy” without the other kinds. BUT, when all three of those things are increasing (i.e. I am making a “life committment” by not renewing my lease, and we are making public declarations (“vow-like” in some ways) by sending out wedding invitations), it seems to be that we are becoming husband and wife already. With this comes increased physical committment… we do plan to save sex for our wedding night as a final celebration/consumation… but in the PROCESS of becoming husband and wife, we are also becoming increasingly physically intertwined. If our engagement would be broken, the physical break would be horribly painful… but so would having to retract our wedding invites, make new plans for next year, etc.
All of this to say that it seems that part of the way we honor God is by increasing intimacy in different areas at the same speed. This sort of thinking doesn’t clarify “lines to not cross” very much, but it’s what I have to offer. Hopefully I haven’t worked out an elaborate rationalization so that I can kiss my fiance more!
emilie
Jun 15 2005
12:52 pm
I just discovered your discussion today and the topic is something that I’ve been thinking alot about since I have been engaged for several months. My finace and I have tried to be prayerful about this and obedient to what God has communicated through the scriptures, but we haven’t landed on any easy answers. I write to share my thinking and my questions.
By the grace of God, divorce is not an option in either of our thinking, but it’s hard to ignore in a culture when it is so prevelant. I think that it was C.S. Lewis who said that divorce is like getting your legs cut off, and I think that part of the reason is that the committment that was made with vows, bodies and the intertwining of lives is now broken. One flesh is torn, and it’s a big deal.
So… since we all know that committments are sometimes broken, committment of lives, bodies and vows seems to exist in increasing intensity with increasingly harsh consequences. This is why I think that God puts guard dogs around our sexuality, becuase it’s just so hard on us to have “body intimacy” without the other kinds. BUT, when all three of those things are increasing (i.e. I am making a “life committment” by not renewing my lease, and we are making public declarations (“vow-like” in some ways) by sending out wedding invitations), it seems to be that we are becoming husband and wife already. With this comes increased physical committment… we do plan to save sex for our wedding night as a final celebration/consumation… but in the PROCESS of becoming husband and wife, we are also becoming increasingly physically intertwined. If our engagement would be broken, the physical break would be horribly painful… but so would having to retract our wedding invites, make new plans for next year, etc.
All of this to say that it seems that part of the way we honor God is by increasing intimacy in different areas at the same speed. This sort of thinking doesn’t clarify “lines to not cross” very much, but it’s what I have to offer. Hopefully I haven’t worked out an elaborate rationalization so that I can kiss my fiance more!