catapult magazine

My wife and I have been discussing the intricaies of friendship and what makes a good conducive friendship. Elements are always confined to the individual, but there are some similarities in all working, lasting friendships. Here are a few questions we were looking for answers to and thought that *cino would be an excellent place to start asking. Answer any or all if you so choose. We’d love to get your insights!

What is it that you look for in a deep meaningful friendship?

What is it that makes a friendship work…and last?

What is it that makes you a good friend?

What do you look for when developing a friendship with someone?

How would you define the difference between friendship and acquaintenceship?

Do you find that the best friends you have retained are people you have grown up with, or those you have discovered along the way?

What are any Biblical instructions in friendship that you may have found?

So many questions! I’ll only try my hand at one or two right now, but I do think this is an interesting topic. I think one of the most…predictive qualities of whether or not a friendship happens or will last is proximity, and closely related would be time. I think you need proximity to start a friendship, and once it’s been established and had time to grow, then it works to be apart, although it always requires time and communication, and things in common. Remembering birthdays and things like that always help too. :)

this has been an especially relevant topic for me since we moved to Three Rivers. in our first few weeks here, one of our good friends from Chicago came to visit and asked me if we knew anyone here. i said, “No, not beyond acquaintances.” and then she asked me if I thought we would be lonely. i didn’t think so, but the next day while visiting a new church, we met Jeff and Brianne.

in the months since, they’ve become more like family than friends and i think i actually felt that happening the very first day we met them. our common interests were immediately apparent—music, gardening, art, politics. but more than common interests, it felt like we had a common vision. we shared stories of our joys and frustrations as part of the community of believers and found that we were hungry for and filled by many of the same things. we challenge each other to grow, we seek the other’s advice…and we share many meals. i also think we share a deep and immediate bond of love that to me signifies an awareness of God’s blessing on the relationship.

and bridget’s right—it’s proximity and time that have allowed us to build such a strong relationship so quickly. we also share very strong, lifelong bonds with people around the country, but those sprouted in the same good soil of time and proximity and continue to thrive on common interests and vision.

don’t you ever wish you could move into a big building with all of your best friends so they could all love each other as much as you love them? okay, that’s enough rambling for now…

This is such an interesting topic.

One question that stuck out to me was the question about friends sticking with you through growing up.

I do have friends that I’ve grown up with, but we weren’t that close growing up…we grew closer later on in life.

Some of the best friends I have I didn’t really get to know until high school…and just to put this in context, i’m a freshman in college.

Funny how you mentioned remembering birthdays, bridget…The friends I’ve been with all four years of high school…I don’t know if any of them knows for sure when my birthday is. I don’t know if that makes a difference. I’m closer to the girl who’s made an effort to remember. But we also do more together, we know how to discuss together.

I don’t know. I think the most important thing is that there is a core trust in God and that you feel comfortable with each other.

that’s all i gots to say.