catapult magazine

“On one of those Idaho back roads, I contemplated deeply the sweet emblem of a stranger’s hand raised in passing, a car or truck travelling the other way, whose driver wanted somehow to say ‘Good Journey. I’ve been where you are going. Travel well.’ I wanted to tell my firends back home who were teaching their children not to talk to strangers, that they had it all whong. Do talk to strangers. Raise your hand to them in strange places, on back roads where leaning fields of tassled grass have more identity than you do. Ask strangers anything you wnat. Maybe they’ll have an answer. Don’t go home with them, don’t take your pants off with them, but talk, talk, talk.”
— Naomi Shihab Nye

This same idea has been rolling around in my head for the last week. “Don’t talk to strangers” is an awful thing to teach a kid and it seems to last far into a lot of people’s lives. Thanks for the quote. I’m gonna read it to my church tonight.

I just returned from a conference, where I heard David Smith, a Calvin prof. give a presentation about language as the gift of the stranger (as in foreign or other langauges)…an interesting addition to this topic.

Having been on the receiving end of just “talking” with a stranger only to have them expose themselves to me, I think I’m still going to teach my child to not be the most conversant with strangers until he knows how to defend himself physically and can run very, very fast.

But the point is still well taken.

For the record, I’d agree with Mrsanniep. I too would advise my five year old to not talk with strangers, but then I think, once she does know how to defend herself and run very very fast, I’ll set to work trying very hard to undo all the fear I have taught her. I just hope at that point it isn’t too late. (I assume it isn’t since I seem to have grown out of the fear, for the most part).

I’ve been mulling over this talking to stranger thing. Maybe its because i am so connected to 5 year olds that I find it interesting that you would want them to fear strangers. A far better attitude to take is to help them find acceptable ways to deal with strangers because each stranger has far more potential to be a positive part of a child’s life than a negative. BUT one negative interaction can also destroy many many positive ones. Hence the dilema. But dealing with people you don’t know is just one of the many life lessons parents and later teachers must help chldren learn. With you as a guide, you can show your children that smiling at the person behind you at the grocery store is a good thing but accepting a treat from them would not. I was walking with my 3 year old neice in her neighborhood last week and an older gentleman sitting on his front step, reading, waved at her. I encouraged her to wave back. He looked lonely, what better way to brighten his day than to have a cute little girl wave from across the street. But I did not encourage her to run over there either. Waving was appropriate. A block from there we encountered a group of yard workers on a break. I felt as uncomfortable as she did with their attitude towards us so I took her hand and we walked more quickly to the park. I let her know that her feelings should be acknowledged. If someone makes her feel that way she needs to know that an adult believes her and to trust those feelings. Just don’t get too hung up on making your children fear strangers when the horrible truth is that most children are far more hurt by friends and family. Helping them make good judgements about people EVERYDAY is far more helpful for their development than teaching them fear.

One more thing. I flew across the country to visit my sister and her family and had a great time interacting with strangers in the airport and on the planes. I met a retired doctor who did his residency in Winnipeg but moved to SanDiego and pitied me living in the cold. He had great stories. I also shared with a woman who’s son had committed suicide, had a long talk with a couple from Wisconsin and gave them geography lessons as we flew across Nebraska and Colorado. And on the way home I met teacher who deals with Fetal Alchohol Sydrome and who offered to be a resource for me next year. I was really touched by these strangers and am glad I took the time. Looking way back to the beginning of this – Good Quote!

I would still have to agree with mrsannie…living in LA suburbs shows you just how low the human condition can actually get. I love my kids, and want to keep them around as long as I can. Too many kids disappearing around here. I think I will keep preaching the Stranger Danger motto to my kids and pray that God blesses them with discernment…