catapult magazine

How to sell a house

by David Stewart

The classified read:

House for sale by owner, 58060 Oakwood Dr., Three Rivers. For appointment call ###-###-####.

I read it twice. The ad itself wasn’t strange. The strange part was that it was my house and my phone number, but I had no plans to move. I had not asked to place an ad.

But when people called, I gave them information. I told them how much I wanted and when they could come by for a tour. I slipped into the role of real estate broker like someone possessed of a red jacket.

Eventually, I sold the house to an old man. He introduced himself as Sam. I also introduced myself as Sam. We smiled at the coincidence, and I handed him the keys without even giving him a tour. I never saw the house again until I was an old man.